Marriage – Just a thought

Wow! It has been two months since my last post? I haven’t even finished the series I was working on. Well, I need to get back to work. However, I am taking a slight detour today. I hope that you will indulge me as I reflect on some thoughts that have been swirling around in my head. Sometimes swirling isn’t a good thing. So to get this out of my brain, here goes.

This weekend, my parents celebrate fifty-five years of marriage! I am sure that they can share a lot of the ups and downs of being together. I am so impressed at what they demonstrate as two people joined together as one. So congratulations and happy anniversary to my Mom and Dad!

The other day, as I was preparing for another day at work, the commute in (another cold January morning), I began having this thought about marriage. There is a lot of “talk” going on about what constitutes a marriage. We hear phrases like “biblical marriage”, “marriage of convenience”, “marrying your best friend”, “marrying someone you love”, “soul mate” and so much more. Recent events have served to further cloud the view of marriage and even brought the question of whether or not marriage is really necessary. We have heard the discussions about what really constitutes a “legal” marriage. As these things banged around in my head (I have no idea why), I began to think about marriage in a different light. What if I was looking at marriage all wrong? What if some of the things I have thought, taught or even practiced were not up to par with what marriage should be? As I was listening to the hum of my razor, this verse popped into my head,

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV).

As soon as some read this, it will be quickly pointed out, the verse doesn’t have anything to do with marriage at all. True, in the context in which it is written, it does not. However, I would ask that people would read further. Paul, the writer of the letter where these words come from, used marriage as an example of the relationship between Jesus and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). So here’s my thought. If my relationship in marriage is an image of the relationship between Jesus and me, I need to consider the implications, “count the cost” as it were.

All too often, people enter into marriage with the idea that “if it doesn’t work out, we can just get a divorce” or “I am still going to be myself, after all they knew me before we got married”. I believe that this is defeat before it ever gets started. If the image holds true, marriage takes on a different look than what we see. My parents are an example of what I am thinking as I put these notes down. What if we considered this before we even begin the planning of a wedding, before we “pop the question”?

God lays down the foundation of the relationship between a man and woman from the start (Genesis 2:24). This idea of “one flesh” would imply that what was before, is no longer in existence. Looking back at the verse that I cited earlier, God transforms the believer into a new creation. This is not a remodeling of the old but a complete transformation. Likewise, in marriage, the old lives no longer exist but become something new entirely. I believe this is where a lot of people entering marriage miss the mark. We, and yes I am guilty of the same, try to hold on to what we had and what we were before. We try to “keep our identity” as it were. In doing so, we do not give ourselves fully to our spouse and therefore open the door for the possibility of failure. Marriage is not a contract but rather, a covenant (Matthew 19:6). So here is the simple truth that I gained,

1. Marriage changes everything.
2. Marriage requires leaving the former life in the past.
3. Marriage brings something entirely new together.
4. Marriage is for life.

My prayer is that God forgive me for not looking at marriage in this way. My hope is that everyone who considers “tying the knot” will consider what is at stake and enter this covenant with great caution. For those of us who have already married, my prayer is that we will seek to live as God intended, a new one from two. To those, my parents, my brother, my sister and many others I know, your example and longevity is truly amazing and I am humbled and thankful to you. So to my parents, again,  happy fifty-five!

In His Name,

Scott